the impact of Grace.

Father God, i come to you this morning, seeking desperately the Hand of Grace that sets all things right where i, in my human frailty + sin, have made a total mess.

open my eyes to the Truth of Your Love, Jesus. help me see You.

. . .

it has been years since Papa has ripped me up so forcefully from my comfort zone of ritual + the pretty little lies i tell myself to keep hold of my favorite sins.

but i am here again. again again.

shattered. exposed. humbled. unworthy. seen. Loved. known.

. . .

i met someone with bigger, bolder sins than mine. we humans like to compare these things, you know: “oh, well, i do this + this + this but at least i’m not doing that + that + that.” as if separation from Papa’s Love has a hierarchy— 1 form of sin trumping another. 1 form of disobedience more destructive than the next.

the radical juxtaposition of the Law and Grace.

my morning studies in Romans leave me crucified with Christ. i am the worst of the worst. every verse, a mirror of judgment into my own interior wickedness + disease of self.

. . .

yet Christ did not call us to Live in shame + condemnation. He came that we might be free.

but what even is free?

. . .

free to sin? free to escape? free to run? free to gain? free to lose? free to fail? free to succeed? free to choose bondage? free to self-destruct?

yes, sweet Friend. yes.

all of the above.

. . .

the radical Truth of free-will as given by The Creator of All That is Seen + Unseen is that we, as humans, may use our free-will to do whatever we want to do. in our minds. in our hearts. with our bodies. with our words.

we are under no direct tyranny of Spirit.

regardless of what the fear-mongering religious + political zealots preach on their talking head shows.

so what if you chose, with your own free-will, to align yourself with The Higher Power. The Most High Power in the UniversePlus?

what if, in your brokenness of Truth— looking at the True hedonistic nature of your flawed human self— you saw, instead of an opportunity for judgement, an opportunity for Grace? unmerited favor + Love.

Papa never intended us to be able to “earn” Love.

instead, He intended Love to be so reckless, so relentless, so passionately mad about you + all of your human frailty + mischief + wrongdoing that you can’t help but be pulled into Agape Eternal. Love that knows no conditions or boundaries. infinitely patient and kind. endlessly protective. with no sense of selfishness because Love, in and of itself, can only exist in sacrifice.

so therefore, if even the most “holy + righteous” human cannot deserve Love at its highest degree, than surely the most lowly + rotten human cannot any more or less not deserve Love at its highest degree.

our human commonality of sin is what evens the playing field. if none of us deserve Love, than all of us have access to the same Grace that gives Love without worthiness.

. . .

i’m in a cocoon these days. waking to pray. being as diligent with my work as energy allows. processing the ins + outs of daily Life + interactions with the souls Papa places on my path. i am weary before the sun rises most days. already poured out in petitions for forgiveness + surrender.

i am in the burnout place that comes frequently with a Light that burns bright.

ashes, ashes. we all fall down.

but Papa is so much bigger than the burnout. Jesus is better than the human Light that burns for Love. there is no road to righteousness without Grace. there is no need for Grace until there is True surrender.

. . .

i surrender all, Jesus. every hope + every dream. the ideals i’ve built in my own mind about what Life should look like. i lay it all out at the Feet of God + ask that only the Truth be allowed to penetrate my mind + heart + soul. that Agape Eternal give me a good shaking about, a deep critical analysis, + expel the bits of worldly deception that have leaked into my core being. that i am radically purged of all filth + disease. that i may be holistically cleansed by the Power of Sacrificial Love.

the impact of Your Grace is shattering, Oh Lord. so let me be shattered completely.

tetelestai.