illuminated.

my morning Bible studies have taken on a fresh, unforced rhythm in the recent days— i have entered into a new season of Lightness.

my 5-plus-year discipline of transcribing The Word in its entirety is finished.

yet i am still processing the magnitude of what i spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally accomplished— this reality of having completed a self-assigned Soul project that always read: "too big to actually complete.”

but when i dove into the practice all those years ago, i didn’t care if i ever got to the end—

i just knew i had to begin.

. . .

i wrote the following to my Best on the morning that i transcribed those final verses—

today marks a really big day in my journey.. i'll be finishing my years-long discipline of writing the entire Bible out in my own hand.

i started the practice in desperation— acknowledging that i was a hypocritical "Christian" who claimed to believe something i had never fully read— nor was even sure what all The Word contained.

a proxy Christian— who went to church [. . .] + listened to sermons + highlighted the verses in pretty colors that the preacherman talked about on sundays.

until there came a day when i saw myself as the fake i was— + i needed to set things right. for my own heart. i needed to know why i believe.. what i believe.

i'm literally in the final moments of this journey, writing out Malachi this very morning, march 2nd. Malachi 4:6 is the point where this radical spiritual adventure will be marked complete— today.

i had no idea how ingesting the Word of God would affect my Life— nor how long it would take..

but it's here.

. . .

i wept as i worked through those final 4 chapters of Malachi that morning— bittersweet. long-awaited. an end + a beginning. as laborious as the final ascent to a mountain’s highest peak. seeing the top, knowing that you’re almost there, yet legs and lungs on fire.

. . .

you may be wondering why i ended with Malachi + not Revelation— and that’s a fair observation.

to give you a little backstory, this transcription practice started haphazardly— unplanned. not entirely tidy. and with the book of Esther.

as if God-of-the-Angel-Armies Himself turned up the heat in His relentless pursuit of my Heart + Mind— various people from distinctly different circles in my quite-worldly Life all began speaking to me about the same fairytale-like, heroine-centered story. and the same words kept finding their way into conversations i shared with others, a Message from God Himself that i could no longer ignore— “sweet annie: you were made for such a time as this. have you ever read the book of Esther?”

so i finally listened to the cascading chorus of symbiotic encouragers + opened my Bible to see what this Esther book was all about.

and reading that story changed my Life.

i became spiritually hungry to know if there were other books in the Bible that could change my Life, too. so i immediately jumped into another female-centric, Old Testament story— the book of Ruth. challenging myself to lean in, to listen, to learn. to become transformed by the renewing of my mind through the Word of God.

i simply chose to believe that the Bible was actually worthy of reading. instead of letting all of the worldly arguments against it win another round.

. . .

you see— the Bible had always just seemed too big to me. too confusing.

inapproachable.

full of cosmic mysteries + ancient Hebrew law + the written words of who-even-knows translated too many times over by God-only-knows-what. criticized and theorized and publicized— but not really all-that interesting, if i’m being honest.

i just never really thought the Bible was that relatable.

so i never even considered reading the whole thing through. i just stuck with the “comfortable Christian,” little-c church approach of reading my Bible in tandem with what we modern believers call “worship”—

step right up + pick a verse, any verse! now let’s read it + shove it into our current Life circumstances + then close our Bibles until next week’s episode of… (the audience joins in, yelling) the Jesus Show!

. . .

is this your relationship with the Bible, too?

(whispers) it’s okay. i get you. now keep reading.

. . .

you see— something changed in me after reading Esther + Ruth. i was becoming aware that maybe the Bible had more to offer me than just feeling like a heathen troll who would always be too dirty for Jesus. i began taking The Word seriously, as a holy and scared book to actually believe in.

i acknowledged that i needed more. and that The More had always been there. i just needed to receive it.

. . .

so from Esther to Ruth to— big huge leap— Isaiah.

which was the intellectual equivalent of learning to swim in a bathtub + then going out into the ocean for your third lesson.

it felt like logical and spiritual drowning. like hellfire and heaven’s glow were waging war in the nuclei of my cells, and my only daily takeaway was utter, desperate, dazed confusion.

that first time i transcribed Isaiah was grueling— taking me over an entire calendar year. painful. contradictory. disturbing. seemingly endless. yet pushing me to choose to believe that the work i was doing would eventually produce the result i was seeking— a better understanding of God.

but ohmydearsweetJesus, that first round with Isaiah *almost convinced me that the Bible was all of the negative things i had once thought it was.

*almost being the key word.

but instead of quitting, i re-evaluated, re-strategized. i knew i needed a better plan. my original study process was no longer sustainable.

i realized that the whole point of transcribing the Bible was to get The Word into me. and the fundamental reason i wanted The Word IN, was because i needed, i wanted, to know more about who this Jesus guy really was. is. for myself. not just what other people told me to think + believe.

so i took a pause, made a plan, + then dove right in— never calculating the time it would ultimately require. just choosing to begin. + then choosing everyday to continue.

Matthew, Mark, Luke, John— i started my chronological approach to reading the Bible in the New Testament, with the Jesus books. familiar. comforting. soothing. fulfilling. even magical, if i may be so bold. i had heard these words preached by evangelical all-stars my entire Life. the Jesus books felt like Home.

but i knew i couldn’t stay there forever. that there was a lot more to The Story. i had to keep going.

what came next was still reasonably familiar. still New Testament. but less comfortable. more radical. yet also more satisfying. deeper + wider + higher in transformative Power. Acts through Revelation. word by word. verse by verse. day by day.

my mind was constantly processing what i was studying in The Word as The Lens through which i viewed the circumstances of my Life.

i found comfort. enlightenment. correction. terror. discipline. curiosity. enchantment. + an ever-growing desire to know more.

but when i got to the end, the very last word of the Revelation of Yeshua Ha’Mashiach— i was even more spiritually voracious than when i began. there still had to be more.

my very next thought: “well. i guess i better go back to the beginning.”

so Genesis it was. + then the Exodus. one Old Testament book at a time. writing the words and simultaneously falling into each storyline as if it were the biggest, trendiest, current bestseller.

some books were harder to get through than others. but i never let the ease, or lack thereof, of ingesting a particular book dissuade me from my studies.

my morning time in The Word became the well-worn cadence by which my Life was synchronized—

consistently seeing that the experiential overlap of my Bible studies with my Life’s circumstances were too profound to be irony.

The Word, with each passing day, became the most reliable filter through which i processed data— conversations. decisions. goals. failures. victories. et al.

The Story became richer and deeper and fuller than i had ever believed possible when i was still judging The Book by its cover.

touché, dear Soul. touché.

. . .

so now here i be— having completed the whole assignment. having reach the mountain’s highest peak. having made it to the place i set out to find.

and y’all—

words do not exist that could accurately describe the magnificent view. nor paint nor music nor tear-stained joy.

this knowing that i am Known. that i am Loved. that i am the Absolute Delight of The Creator of All That is Seen + Unseen—

what an immeasurably wealthy gift i have been given— and have chosen to recieve.

. . .

are you longing for more, my sweet friend?

consider then, please— reading the Bible.

granted, you don’t have to go quite as ridiculous as i did— undertaking a full-on transcription. i just did what i knew i needed to do: not knowing another way to guarantee that it was actually going in. i didn’t want to waste one single word. so writing it out just worked for me.

but there are other methods of ingesting The Word— reading aloud. reading in your mind. memorization. it doesn’t matter your approach— just find what works best for you + then do it.

and read the whole thing.

but be warned, my sweet friend— your Life will transform in Beautiful ways you had not even considered nor imagined.

guaranteed.

Love you. mean it.