exposed.

“just who do you think you are?!” he spit as he towered over me— my senior by at least two decades. a supervisor on a jobsite in one of my former professional lives.

he was outraged at my presence in what he believed to be his territory. he was incensed that i was there on assignment, just being me— as his flaccid authority became increasingly threatened to exposure.

my response to him was dead silence as i looked straight into his cold, accusing eyes. i sat in submission, because i needed the job. but there was an inferno in my Soul the likes of which i cannot describe.

but sometimes, many times— silence is just better.

. . .

we’ve all heard the old adage: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

i think that’s cute for children.

but we hit a point of maturation, friends, when childish quips are no longer deep enough for the profoundness of real deal Life. Life that takes your breath away in joy and in pain. Life that is blissfully unpredictable.

. . .

during that same grueling season of work, i would walk into the local government building where my badge and a key code gave me access to things that many people are unaware exist or happen, and i would whisper this prayer, over + over + over—

please help me know when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up.

and then i would walk in that building, head held as high as i could hold it, eyes as wide open as i could open them, and i would participate in working a system that is as desperately flawed + broken as the humans in which created it.

everyday was a crucible.

. . .

but Papa was teaching me in that season—

that not every single thought that lands in my head needs to be explored. in fact, what i overwhelmingly learned over the course of those trials, was that most of the thoughts that popped into my head did not need to be spoken, shared, or, let alone, thought of any further. the capital-T Truth, was, and still occasionally is, my mind was a death-trap of negativity, and i had to become disciplined in my thinking.

i had to learn to

think about what i was thinking about.

and here’s a little secret— if it’s ugly in your head, it’s going to be even uglier spilling out of your mouth.

go back. read it again. it should hurt.

because we’re all guilty of this, sweet friend. of saying things that do not edify or encourage or expose Truth.

but simply word vomit that poisons, mostly you, the speaker, who has to swallow those words back down into your gut— but also everyone and even the atmosphere that surrounds you. those nasty, penetrative soundwaves creating literal vibrations of dissonance + hate. ugly thoughts are the womb of toxicity. ugly words, the predatory progeny set loose to infect the world around.

and yes. you are reading that correctly— i am absolutely stating that those rude and accusatory thoughts + words that you let rip without a care in the universe are the very root of your toxic relationships and spaces.

. . .

it’s been challenging to come back out into a public forum after so much time in the quiet respite of Papa’s tender arms. yet i am reminded—

He is with me in the spotlight; He is with me in the shadows.

El Shaddai. my Love.

but my choice to re-enter the public interface place— good ol’ social media land— has reminded me of that season of discipline— of that condemning accusation, of that prayer i whispered over + over each day, of how close Papa remained even when i felt like the cheese standing alone.

there is a reason i am here.

there is a Message i need to share.

. . .

i would tell the bears, when they were younger, and we would participate in family dialogue—

say something that means something!

— take the thoughts that are in your mind + develop them into words that come out of your mouth.

but also BE’WARE!

not every thought floating around in that big old brain of yours is good nor needs to be energized. so you gotta clean up that mind and that mouth if you want to impact the world around you for good.

. . .

your words have literal Power to heal or to poison. to build or to destroy. to expose Truth or to disseminate lies.

and words originate as thoughts in your mind.

so take every thought captive. before you speak, ask yourself if each thought is going to help you or anyone else. then if it is, be bold enough to speak it out— speak Love. speak Truth.

eat good Words.

but if the thought is just sheer ugliness— stop right there! reject going any further down the rabbit hole of distracted destruction.

for you only have so much time in each day–

so use your Power for good.

Love you. mean it.